An Unexpected Chapter

Hi Reader,

Last week I emailed for the first time in awhile and shared a little bit of my story. This week I want dive a little deeper and share more about Myla’s story.

Taking it back to the “beginning” so to speak, we found out that we were (unexpectedly) pregnant with baby #3 in…November? Man, it seems like a lifetime ago! It took awhile to come to terms with the fact that we were adding a third and would have three 3 and under. 😅 The first trimester was rough - I was sooooo sick and beyond exhausted. Newborn tired has NOTHING on pregnancy-two-toddlers tired! I was hopeful that meant we were having another girl. I REALLY wanted another baby girl - we even had a name picked out!

Fast forward to March, we found out that we were, indeed, having another girl! I was finally starting to get excited. Several of my friends were also expecting baby girls, so we had big plans for them as they grew older.

We then find ourselves at the end of May, third trimester. It was finally getting real. Ian and I both were getting excited. I had reached the “desperate to hold you” baby fever phase of pregnancy, and I just couldn’t wait! We had our baby shower June 8th and life felt full of hope…until the middle of that week.

I had my regular prenatal appointment with my amazing midwife on June 11th. Everything look great, hadn’t had any issues at all leading up to the appointment, and all seemed fine…until she couldn’t find a heartbeat. She asked if I had felt Myla move, but I hadn’t been paying close attention. Due to the placement of the placenta compared to my other pregnancies, I hadn’t felt her move as much as my other two the whole pregnancy. She was going out of town that weekend though, so she sent me home to do some kick counts, and she wanted to see me the next morning just to make sure it was baby hiding and not something else.

I tried counting kicks, but I wasn’t really sure about it. I felt movement, but wasn’t entirely sure. So, we went back the next morning. She still couldn’t find a heartbeat, so she advised us to go to the ER. We went home first, got the kids settled at Ian’s mom’s house, and then went to the ER, hoping for an ultrasound that showed everything was okay.

We got up to the room around 3pm, on Thursday, June 12th, and shortly after that we heard the news that left us shattered. At 32 weeks Myla was gone, probably since Tuesday evening, and there was nothing we could have done to change the outcome.

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Thus began the hardest season of our lives. This unexpected baby we had just gotten truly excited about, was gone.

It was crazy. I had heard so many stories of third trimester loss. Three people that I knew had experienced it in this last year. One of my friends had lost their third, a little baby girl, just 3 months prior at 54 days old (33 weeks adjusted) after being born prematurely. I knew it happened…I just never imagined it happening to us. I never imagine walking this road with them.

And yet, despite everything, God has kept his promises. We have seen His hand clearly in the events following, we have felt the peace that passes all understanding, and though we mourn, we do not mourn as those without hope - we KNOW that we will see Myla again in heaven, and that she’s currently dancing with our loved ones who are already there. As I continue to share the rest of our story over the next several weeks, I hope that you find comfort and hope in YOUR journey. We all go through hard things. Just because your hard may not be as tragic as my hard (or vice versa!) doesn’t mean it isn’t still hard. Regardless of our journeys, God is there. He is ready to hold and comfort you and give you the strength you need to meet each day.

If you don’t have that hope, or want to know more, please reply to this email. I’d love to hear from you!

- Mrs. Holman
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PS: If you’re here for math resources, or holistic content, don’t worry—they aren’t going anywhere! I’ve got several new courses and activities in the works. But for now, I’m holding space for both: teaching math with clarity and sharing motherhood with honesty.