Finding Peace in the Unseen
Hey Reader,
I want to tell you about my daughter.
Her name was Myla, and one year ago this Friday, she was born. She was wanted and loved and prayed over, and her life — however brief — changed mine in ways I am only beginning to understand. A year feels like both a long time and no time at all, and I don't think I expected the emotions around the anniversary to be so present. The same dates, the same weight, the same strange mixture of grief and gratitude that I don't always have words for...it’s been a strange duality.
LIFE
I don't write about Myla in every email. But I do write about her sometimes, because she is part of my story, and my story is part of why I do what I do. If you're newer here and want to know more, I shared the full story last year, and you can find it in my newsletter archive.
[Link to Myla's Story]
If you have ever lost someone, or if you are in a season of grief or something hard right now, I just want you to know that I see you, and to let you know that you don't have to be okay to be present for your kids: you just have to be there.
I miss Myla every day. I often find myself wondering what she would have been like, how old she would be, or how my life would be different. I’ve been dealing with feelings of “it’s not fair” a lot lately, and often feel like a toddler hollering “It’s not fair!” I know it’s not. And that sucks. But I also know that we live in a fallen world, and that nothing is perfect this side of heaven, but I can rest assured that one day I will get to see Myla, full of life, dancing with my Savior, Jesus.
You can have that assurance, too. If you don’t and would like to learn more, please reply to this email. I would love to talk! ❤️
Homeschool + Math
Something I think about often as both a teacher and as a mom is how much our kids absorb from watching us navigate hard things.
They are watching how we handle disappointment, how we talk about our own limitations, and how we respond when life interrupts our plans. And when we homeschool, they have a front-row seat to all of those things. That can feel like a burden, but I think it is actually one of the great gifts of this model of education.
Here's something I want you to hear, especially if you are in a hard season right now: you do not have to push through. You have permission to stop, to sit with your kids in the middle of something hard, to let the books stay closed while you tend to what actually matters. The fear of falling behind is real, but I want to gently push back on it, because a child who watches their parent grieve well, lean on their faith, and choose people over productivity is receiving an education that no curriculum could ever provide. ❤️ Spend time talking with your children why sometimes things are hard, and dig into what Jesus says about hard things, and how we can grow through the hard times.
Discipleship happens in the middle of real life. It happens in the conversations you have when you're not okay, in the way you model reaching out to God when you don't have answers, and in the way you choose presence over performance even when the to-do list is all-consuming. Discipling and working through your hard WITH them will do more for your child in the long run than any schoolwork they might have missed.
So, if you are the mom overwhelmed by something hard, the bookwork will be there when you're ready. Your family needs you now. ❤️
Grace
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
Matthew 5:4 (NIV)
I used to read this verse and kind of skim over it, thinking that it was a great verse, but having no reference for what it really meant. This past year has taught me more about God’s comfort in grief than I ever wanted to know. That comfort in the mourning? It’s real. God really does comfort those who mourn. Sometimes it comes unexpectedly, in ways you don’t expect, but it comes. I have seen it time and time again!
And sometimes the comfort doesn't look like what you thought it would. Sometimes it doesn't look like answers or resolution or the grief lifting. Sometimes it looks like this:
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:7 (ESV)
Peace that surpasses understanding means peace that doesn't make logical sense given your circumstances. It means peace that has no good reason to be there, yet is there anyway. I have felt that peace this year in moments I cannot explain, time and again, and I am grateful for every one of them. ❤️
If you are mourning something today, I am praying for you. If you are just struggling with something hard, I see you. If you would like me to pray with you, I’d love to hear from you. I read every single email!
See you soon!
- Mrs. Holman
