Navigating Life's Storms Together
Hey Reader,
I almost didn't send an email this week. This week last year was the hardest week of my life. And arriving back at it for the first time, is something I didn't fully know how to prepare for. I thought maybe I'd know by now what to do with all the emotions, but I don't, not entirely. I thought it would be easier and I wouldn’t be as emotional, but that’s not the case. But I'm here anyway.
It doesn't help that I had a really bad allergic reaction yesterday and now look super scary and my eyes are so swollen I can hardly see. 🫣. Crazy how when it rains, it pours, right?
But I've learned that pretending the grief doesn't exist doesn't actually make grief easier, at least for me. It just makes it lonelier. So, I'm showing up in your inbox because showing up is what I know how to do, even when I'm not sure I have anything polished or helpful to say. I’ve learned that I process through writing…so, you're the lucky ducks that get to watch me process!
If you're newer here and you're not sure what I'm referring to, last year I lost my daughter, Myla, and it rocked our world. I shared the full story last fall, and it’s still in my newsletter archive.
Click Here to Read Myla's Story
I'd encourage you to read it, cause it's part of who I am and why I do this work.
LIFE
I’ve been dreading this day for weeks. Every time I thought about it, I would tear up. Why is one day so monumentous? But it’s not just one day. It’s the week before we knew what was going to happen. It was the day she passed. It was the day after that we didn’t hear a heartbeat, and then the day after we didn’t hear a heartbeat that it was confirmed and our world fell apart.
Nothing prepares you for a grief like that. Grief isn’t just one day a year. It’s all the moments that lead up to that day, then the days following…
If you’ve lost someone close, especially a child, you aren’t alone. And whatever you are thinking, whatever duality of emotions you are processing, you are NOT crazy. I promise. Grief is complex. You can be so excited and devastated all at the same time, and it’s not abnormal!
All that to say, am I a mess? Absolutely. Am I one stray thought, wrong word, or image away from a complete meltdown? Definitely.
But the One who created me, who created Myla, and who created my story still holds me in His hands. I may not (and defintely don’t!) understand why, but I choose to trust that the God who holds all of creation holds me and has a plan for me. He is building my life, and taking what is broken and making it beautiful. It's a daily, sometimes moment-by-moment choice, but I'm doing my best to make it.
HOMESCHOOL + MATH
One of the things I come back to often, as a teacher and as a mom, is the question of what we're actually building when we homeschool.
We talk a lot about curriculum and scope and sequence and mastery, and all of that matters. But underneath all of it, what we're really building is a relationship with learning. We are building a set of beliefs our children will carry into adulthood about whether hard things are worth attempting, whether struggle means failure or just means not yet, and whether they are capable of more than they currently know.
That formation happens slowly, in thousands of small moments, most of which don't feel significant at the time. The way you respond when they get something wrong or the way you sit with them when they're frustrated is what forms that love of learning. When you keep showing up even on the hard days, you are doing more than you know!
Rest in God’s plan. Follow His word. If you are teaching your children to love God, you are doing it right, no matter what your academics look like in this moment. Life goes in seasons. If this one is chaotic, that’s okay! If life happened, tragedy struck, and school fell to the backburner, that’s okay. Showing up and showing your children God is the most important thing you can do when life is lifing and school just isn’t happening. It’s okay. It’s just a season. God can redeem anything!
GRACE
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
God is close. Not distant or watching from a safe distance. He's close. He is with us in the valley, with us by the graveside, and with us at the kitchen table when you are about to pull your hair out over a math concept that just won’t click.
Close.
That word has meant everything to me this week. I’ve felt the reminder that proximity is not the same as felt presence, and that He is near even when the silence feels overwhelming, when the grief threatens a stranglehold, and even in the mundane where I might lose it if my toddler throws one more snack.
He’s in all of it!
If you don’t know Him, and you don’t know what I’m talking about (a relationship with God, what!?) I’d love for you to reach out! I’d love to talk. I read and respond to every single email!
Thank you for reading!
See you soon!
- Mrs. Holman
